To Lovers and Liars
by Hekari
Summary: Re-upload of a story I wrote a long time ago with a different title. The time to make a decision is now. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Many of my mornings start like this. Before I can even open my eyes I fell the light of the sun hitting my face, the heat making me more lazy than actually aware of the time. As I draw the covers over my face in my weak attempt to shield the sun's ray coming form my window, I hear the unmistakable voice calling from down stairs.

"RUTHIE!" My mom calls. Even though it is a Saturday morning it would be a crime for any Camden kid to sleep pass nine. Though, I know that's not the reason for her call.

"I'm Coming!" I yell a bit more annoyed than I intended to sound. With one last sigh of resignation I pull the covers off my body.

Though, I don't move. I lie there, looking at the ceiling. Then I notice a pattern in the colors that over the years I have missed, or perhaps never taken the time to notice. Soon, I begin to wonder just how many other things I haven't noticed. I laugh to myself at how nostalgic I have become over night. Still, I can't help wonder.

I close my eyes, perhaps thinking it all a dream, but when I open them again I still here my mom calling me downstairs. Today my day won't be a routine as it has been for the past nineteen years, because it all changing. Still, I'm glad this morning is like any other.

As I get up from my bed I see it from the corner of my eye. Its been sitting there for the past three days, not once opened by me. Its been draped out in the spare bed. My mom and Lucy have said that its beautiful, tasteful, but they look at me with confused faces. I tell them the dress has been tailored and there is no need for me to see it all the time, but I know that's not what worries them. It doesn't take much to know what they think, what everyone thinks. I see it in their stares, but none of them say anything. I know what's in my heart…I know.

"RUTHIE CAMDEN WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!" She yells from downstairs, and so I make my way to the bathroom, awaiting me is a long hot shower. A couple of more minutes won't kill them. After all this is suppose to be my day.

I don't take long because I remind myself that this morning will be just like any other morning. That's all I have. Just this morning. In a matter of hours my mornings, my afternoons, my nights, will never be the same.

I make my way downstairs and I see the rest of the Camden "kids" sitting around the living room. For a moment I stand there. Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Sam, and David all sit there. Flash backs of past years come rushing back. I close my eyes and somehow I wish we could go back. I want to allow myself to believe the possibility, but damn me for being such a realist. When I open them again everyone comes to view. Sarah, Carlos, Savannah, dad, mom, and Sandy.

I didn't notice him a first, but as my eyes begin to wander to the far corner of the room, there, away from all the commotion a silent Martin stands.

He is the first to notice me come into the room, but says nothing. He just stares at me. A piercing gaze that keeps my eyes locked with his. I see the pain in his expression, and he turns away from me. At that moment I can't help but feel a stabbing pain in my chest as he does so, but I make a point not to show it. Lucy is the second one to notice me and she doesn't hide my presence.

"Ready to go?" She says in her cheerful voice, which reminded me of why I had chosen her as my maid of honor.

"Yeah" I laughed and threw a little giggle for effect. It felt fake, but I wasn't sure. I had been doing it so much lately I didn't know the difference.

"Where is it?" she looked at me a bit panicked.

"Where is what?" I scramble in my head to remember what I could've forgotten.

"UH…the Dress" Lucy demands with an incredulous look on her face. I could feel my cheeks go red as I mentally scolded at myself. All I could do was give her a sheepish smile.

"I'll get it" She rolled her eyes at me as she made her way upstairs.

As if I didn't have enough people thinking this was a mistake. Mary was the next to approach me, a sympathetic smile in place. "Hey don't sweat it. It happens to the best of us. You're allowed a couple of mistakes." Her smile warm. And somehow that makes me feel better, and reassures me of what I'm about to do.

Today I would marry the man I loved. I would soon be Mrs. Mac Wilson.


	2. Chapter 2

Minutes that seem like eternity pass by as I sit on the staircase, waiting for my maid of honor, who, I conclude, had no intention of coming down anytime soon.

Realizing this, I take one last glance up the stairs before making my way to join the others. When I walk in everyone seemed relaxed and content, even my mom, who not thirty minutes ago was rushing me to hurry up. No one makes a big deal at my presence, at this I am grateful, because I don't want to deal with their not so subtle "concerns" about my pending wedding. Looking around, I could see I had little choice of where to sit, but I soon settle on the small corner of the couch. Soon regretting this when I realize I was in clear view of everyone, suddenly becoming uncomfortable at how exposed I was to their criticism. I try to stay calm, but I could feel my body stiffen as I look at the person straight from me.

He hadn't moved from there. His watchful eyes upon me. Though I try to avert him by becoming part of the idle conversations around me, my attempts fail miserably. Once again he catches my eye, and this time they stay fix on his. He hints to the door with the tilt of his head and I know what he's asking. I give him a small nod in understanding and with that he finally moves from his former stance. I follow him with my eyes as he makes his way toward Sandy, who was sitting on the middle of couch. She was just sitting there, not really saying much, she seemed to be deep in thought. He leaned down to her as he whispered something in her ear, but moved away before she could respond. The hurt becoming visible in her face when he pulled away, but he didn't notice because he was already making his way around the room.

And just like that he was out the door.

I stay behind a little longer. Everyone continues their small talk around me, but I feel myself withdrawing with every passing second. The voices around me becoming more distant, and hollow. Suddenly I am taken back to yesterday. His sweat smile, his gentle eyes, accompanied with the comfort of ever lasting happiness. How I wish he were here to reassure me of his promises. Now I need them more than ever. I feel this restlessness and confusion growing inside me, and these doubts are becoming harder to cast away.

Not five minutes pass before I stand up and I'm out the door. I check my watch and see that it's a little pass ten. Every second passing, tick, tick, tick. Suddenly a minute, an hour is not just time passing by, it's actually an indication that the end of my normal, everyday morning in near.

When I step outside I find him where I knew he would be; sitting on the bench outside the porch. I take a seat next to him but his eyes are fixed somewhere else. He looks straight as if he staring at something out in the distance, but as I follow his gaze, I see nothing. Well, nothing that would take his focus with such intensity. After a short moment of sitting in silence, he is the first to speak.

"So…you're really doing it huh" It wasn't a question. How many times had I told him, and yet he somehow doesn't believe it.

I sighed before I could respond. "Of Course" It's sounds generic. That's all I had to defend my decision. I was tired of having to explain myself to everyone. Granted it was weak response, but what else could I say? What was there left to say? What was the point if no one believed me.

At this he let out a bitter laugh. "Of Course" He repeated, but just audible enough to catch my ear. He still didn't turn to look at me. He didn't have to. I knew what was going through his mind. I just wish that he would say it for once, but just like so many other times, he doesn't.

The silence resumed soon after. We sit there. Five, seven more minutes passed before he breaks the silence again.

"Can I ask you why you accepted?" he expression a bit baffled. His tone serious, more serious than I was use to hearing from him. He really was bewildered by my decision. Is as if he had figured out why this marriage was so wrong and he didn't understand how I didn't seen it.

And at that moment I couldn't help but fell irritated by him.

"Because I love him." I say with out a moments hesitation, but I couldn't hide the uncertainty my tone carried once the words came out. Something inside me clearly betraying my voice.

"Yeah. I heard you telling that story to everyone around here. Tell me, does is help if you repeating the words up there before you say them. You know, to make it sound more convincing. Or is it that you've rehearsed them so much that you're actually staring to believe them yourself." His voice sharp, he was angry now. It would've been easier if he 'd flat out called me a liar and a fake because I truly believed that was his perception of me these days, but looking back at his decisions he was in no position of judging me.

I lean away, suddenly felt rage growing inside me. "How dare you. You don't know how I feel. You of all people." I spat the words out, offended at his accusations. He clearly didn't know me anymore. How could he, he was never there. "Why do you care anyway?"

He took a while to answer, as he seemed to be taking in everything I'd said. I grew impatient by his quiet demeanor. When had things changed so much between us that we couldn't even have a normal conversation. Now they seemed to be filled with awkward silences and half spoken truths. Yet, if she thought about it, everything had been his fault, and hell, if she had gotten over it, so should he.

When he spoke, I wish he hadn't. " Ruthie stop and listen to that inner voice that is telling you all this is wrong. Don't listen to me, or anyone for that matter, but listen to that part in you that is telling you not do it. Please " He said with such sadness and desperation in his voice. It sent chills down my spine at how his pleading words sounded. I would've preferred a hundred times he screamed this at me than said it the way he had. He seemed defeated. For the first time he turned and looked at me. The stabbing pain I'd felt earlier returning. I hadn't notice before, but his eyes had become so dull. The green orbs that had once sparkled so bright and vivid were now lifeless. His eyes seemed to be searching mine for an answer and I felt my eyes becoming moist by all these overwhelming emotions. I try to turn away, but my body had a will of its own. Something inside me wouldn't allow me too. I couldn't deny it any longer; I didn't want turn away from him. At that moment I felt myself moving towards him.

But just then I hear the door open and I quickly pull back.

"Ruthie. Phone call," Matt said as he stepped outside, phone in hand covering the receiver.

I reluctantly turn from Martin as I try to gather my composure. "Hmm… Who is it?" I say automatically.

Matt flashed me a huge grin as he extended his hand to give me the phone. "Seems like the groom misses you."

I smile a weak smile, not because I'm unhappy to hear it's him, but because my emotional state had just gone in turmoil. Now, more than ever, I need to hear his voice.

I stand up and take the phone from his hand, but I don't sit down again.

"Hello" I answer, except I struggle because my voice is still trying to gather its strength.

"Hello Mrs. Wilson." Mac says from the other end. Just as I hear his voice, my heart beings to warm and I feel this comfort wash over me. He always had a way of making everything better and for a moment I forget everything. I tell myself I've made the right choice.

Yet, out of the corner of my eye I see Martin.

It's a little pass ten-thirty on the AM and this morning is coming to an end.

Now more that ever I feel it. The confusion is becoming greater.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Martin stayed sitting there as I decide to make my conversation a little more private and make my way down the driveway, to the sidewalk where I settle on sitting on the side of the street. I stay silent, letting Mac make conversation.

"Ruthie?" he repeated. "You're not getting cold feet are you?" He jokingly mused at my silence. This takes me by surprise as I sit there frozen by his words. I don't have an answer, even though I knew he was joking, the realization of how true his words might be made me afraid of my response.

_Pre-wedding jitters_ I remind myself before I answer.

"Mac" I felt my voice go soft as I say his name. "I don't think I'll back down after all this wedding has put me through!" I yell laughingly, and at this he lets out a chuckle. The past six months of planning a wedding, with Camden women, were never dull or without incident. I was actually surprised that Commando Lucy took into consideration two or three of our suggestions, but I had my suspicions about any of them actually making it into the wedding.

"True" he seemed content by my answer. "So, in three hours we'll finally be married. It sounds weird. Actually, It doesn't sound like it's happening to me. Mac Wilson is marrying a woman like Ruthie Camden. How can you want someone so undeserving as me?" He asked, he seemed genuinely baffled by the idea.

"Don't say that" I mutter. A part of me feeling guilty for not telling him enough times how much he actually means to me. "You are plenty deserving of me. And don't ever forget that." I stress.

"Sometimes I worry that you have me in this pedestal that I don't deserve and when you finally realize that I'm not perfect or am who you think I am you're going to very disappointed." I wondered aloud as I look down at the ring in my hand.

"That will never happen." He assured.

"I'm not perfect." I grumbled.

"You say that because you don't see what I see."

"I could name a hand full of people that disagree with you." I whispered, sighed at his conviction to believe she was a good person. She really wasn't.

"I don't care what they think. And even if you're not, which you are…I don't care. I've never had anything this good happen to me. Well, not that gave me this kind of happiness." He seemed to take a moment on what to say next. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're the one good thing in my life, and that's fine with me because all I need and want is… You" He voice turning soft as he said this.

"And all I need is you" I whispered, wanting more than anything to believe this, but yet I falter as the words come out of my mouth.

"So what's the problem? And don't say nothings wrong because I know there is, so tell me." His voice grew concerned. I knew something like this could never get pass me. He knew me too well.

For a moment I ponder whether to tell him the truth. To tell him the reason for my uncertainty, but how could I hurt him like that? How could I tell him that the doubts I'm having are because of the man who once hurt me so bad, and the same man he'd grown to hate because of it.

"Everyone keeps telling me that this wedding is too rushed and that we're not thinking things through. That maybe it's a big responsibility that we're not really for" I told him as he listened intently on the other end. It wasn't a lie, but not exactly the truth.

"Are you sure that's all?" He asked after a moment.

"Yes" I answer as I feel my breath grow unsteady. Lying was clearly not my strong point.

"And what do you think?"

"I think they're wrong"

"Ruthie I love you and what I want most is for us to walk down that aisle and be married, but not if you're to be sure about this" His voice calm, seeking an answer. "Do you want to marry me?"

Over the years Mac had definitely surprised me. He wasn't the sixteen year old I had met nearly five years ago, or for that matter that nineteen year old I had known two years ago. He had changed. Though, much of the old Mac still remained in him, like his sense of humor and lightheartedness, he had matured in character and attitude. Many people said I had a big part in him growing up, but I think we both grew up with the help of each other. We learned to be better threw one another. He had saved me in so many ways. When I thought I could never love again, I fell into his embrace and I never felt more at home as I did when he held me close to him. As I sat here thinking of all things he was and all the things we could be together, it become clear what my choice was and everything began to fall into place again.

"I'm sure"

"Well then, I'll let you go so you can do all those things that girls do before their wedding and I'll be there."

"Okay"

"I Love you." He said as he waited to hear my response.

"I Love you too." I say after a minute. Deep down I knew it shouldn't be this way; feeling like saying it was an obligation instead of it being second nature, but sometimes it felt that way.

"Mac is everything going to be okay?" I managed to say, my voice breaking. The uncertainty still lingering in me.

"Yes" He reassured me.

"Promise"

"I Promise." He tells me. Voice full of security.

"Bye."

I wait to hear the line on the other end go dead before I hang up the phone. I stretch my legs as I dust the dry leaves stuck in my pants before I stand. When I turn to make my way back, I see Martin, now standing on entrance of the porch. He stood there for a moment, just looking at me, anxious as he began to shift around from one foot to the other, and it appeared like he was deliberating with himself. Just as I begin to walk up the path he starts to make his way towards me, quickening his pace with each stride. Before I have time to comprehend what's happening I feel him put his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. Everything in me tells me to run away but just as my mind tries to register this with my body, I feel him crush his lips on mine. His kiss forceful, and full of passion. To my surprise I don't protest as I feel myself settle in his arms as I kiss him back with the same intensity. He held me close to him as he broke the kiss, his face remaining close to mine, lips barely touching. We stay quiet for a while, trying to catch our breath as we do so. I feel my heart working over time now, each beat becoming faster and louder as I realize the proximity between us.

"I love you." He says under his breath. I stare at him in shock. I find myself unable to say anything, all I could do is nod.

Eleven on the A.M. Clearly this morning was in no way going to be normal.


	4. Chapter 4

"It's too late" a hollow whisper managed to escape my lips as I break away from his gaze. To my dismay all he did was give me a soft smile in response, and at that moment I understood. His declaration of love for me was in no way intended to change my mind, it was his way of showing his acceptance that nothing could ever happen between us. His kiss, it was his goodbye. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks as I stood there, his arms holding me close to him, and that is when I knew I would never hold or see Martin Brewer after today. The thoughts I'd had of running away quickly leaving me because at that instant all I wanted to do was hold him, clutching onto his tee-shirt for dear life, never wanted this moment to end. In his arms, I felt complete and this scared me, but what scared me the most was never feeling this way again. "I love you." He repeated, louder this time as his voice began to break. I was pulled back to reality when I felt his arms loosen their grip from around me as they fell onto his sides, and after a moment I reluctantly freed my hands around his waist as he completely pulled away from me. The features in his face were tired, his green eyes holding a fake sparkle from the tears his eyes retained, and at the sight of his defeat I too felt my own eyes begin to fill with tears.

"I always will," he promised, every words holding his goodbyes.

"This isn't goodbye" I cleared my throat as I felt the painful lump in my throat rendering me unable to speak. "It can't be"

"Its not." He smiled at me as he nodded in assurance, turning around as he made his way back to the house. I knew better. He was just a good a liar as I was, but no more running. Our past demons had finally caught up to us and it was time we faced them. Even if one of us wanted to run. Now there was no running, if this was our goodbye, then we had to let go completely.

"So" I shouted from across the lawn causing him to turn "Why didn't you come back when you promised you would."

_Flashback _

_Ring, Ring. Ring. It was in the third ring that Ruthie, in a groggy state of sleep, flipped her cell phone door open and answered "Hello" a sleepy voice answered as she cleared her voice for more clarity._

"_Come out side" a hurried voice said._

"_Martin?"_

"_Yeah. I'm outside your backyard." He directed her, but before she could give him a response the call had gone dead._

_She unwillingly pulled away from her bedside, rubbing the sleep for her eyes; she began to make her way around the dark room. Once she reached the doorknob she slowly pulled it open as she made her way down the hall as silently as possible, tiptoeing every time she reached the entry of a door. When she finally reaching the entrance of the staircase she carefully descended down making her way towards the kitchen and out the back door._

_When she walked into the porch, the only figure she could make was that of Martin pacing around the pavement, but soon stopping when he noticed her presence. "It's three in the morning Martin, What are you doing here?" she asked, suddenly noticing that the weather didn't favor the attire she was wore at the moment. Sheltering her body by hugged her arms around herself, she made her way toward him._

"_So?" she asked irritated at his interruption of her sleep, waiting impatiently for Martin who'd made his way to the picnic table where he took a seat._

"_I need to tell you something" He said as he clenched his hands together, tapping his foot uncontrollably from his nervousness; getting up then sat back down again as he did so. Once he took a few breaths, and managed to stay still, he turned to her "I think I love you." He blurted out. "No…Wait that didn't come out right. I now I love. And I'm tired of pretending to be just friends when I don't want be just friends. I think we could be great together, and I was wondering if you felt the same way?"_

_End of Flashback_

"Don't do this Ruthie," he signed tiredly.

"Do what?" I bit back angrily, not letting him get way that easily. "I believed you and broke my heart"

_Flashback_

"_You love me?" She asked dumbfounded at this newfound revelation._

"_Yes" He half laughed in joy as he took in his own answer. This greens eyes dancing with happiness._

_A smile creep in her lips as she heard his confirmation and before she knew what she was doing she jumped into his arms as he easily caught her, and planted a kiss on his lips as he twirled her around, holding her close to him._

_Moments later they parted._

"_I have to go" he finally said after breaking the kiss, "But I'll be back. Tomorrow"_

"_You promise," she said after giving him a quick kiss, as big smile in place._

"_Yes"_

_End of flashback_

"I'm sorry" he apologized, with the outmost sincerity in his voice. "You have to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you."

"And yet you did" I answered icily as I feel some free tears escaped my eyes against my will.

_Flashback _

_That morning a very jovial Ruthie made her way downstairs where everyone was sitting and eating breakfast. Everyone around taking in the big smile Ruthie had plastered across her face as she hummed tunes while opening the refrigerator and getting some juice._

"_You seem happy today Ruthie" Annie commented as she smiled to her youngest daughter._

"_That's because I am," she answered gleefully, as she danced around the kitchen table, making her way to the empty chair._

"_Good for you Ruthie" Eric encouraged._

"_Sandy called this morning, " Annie mentioned excitedly as she set the bash of pancakes in the center of the table. "It seems Martin proposed to her this morning and she said yes! She wanted us to be the first to know! Can you believe it!"_

_End of Flashback_

"I had no choice!" he yelled angrily this time. "It was complicated!"

"It always is when it comes to you. Forget it. Forget everything, It was a mistake bringing this up again" and this time it was my turn to walk away from him as I make my way back the house.

"No" I heard him run from behind and step in front of me, his voice rising. "I'm sorry." he tries to pull me into a hug. "I was an idiot"

"Don't" I warn, feeling new tears building in my eyes.

"Leave with me. Right now, wherever you want to go we'll go"


	5. Chapter 5

chapter 5

He stood there with his hands firmly placed on my shoulders trying to keep me from walking away. A hopeful look spread across his broken expression as he waited for me to say yes, but his face slowly falling when he realized that the one word he wanted me to say would never come. I shrug away his hands as I move back in disbelief, and all he is left to do is stand there as a loud sigh escaped him. I found myself both surprised that mad at his proposal. Had he really expected me to say yes? Two years and the realization that there was life beyond Martin Brewer, I bowed I would never play the victim again or for that matter fall for him. And at that moment I hated myself because no matter how much I told my mind, my heart never seemed to register this.

"You are unbelievable you know that. How could you ever think I would leave with you and do this to Mac." My voice getting higher, almost frantic. "Why come back? I was fine without you coming here. I thought that out of courtesy I should at least invite you, and of course you would refuse because anyone with a shred of decency of remorse for what they've done would never had come! So why did you come?"

He let out a small bitter laugh as he dropped his shoulders resignedly. "I wanted to let you go…I didn't want to think about you anymore or love you. As mean as it might sound that's the truth. The thing is I couldn't stop how I felt back then and I can't stop how I feel now"

"Martin you're all over the place. What do you want?" the frustration in my voice could now be heard as a baffled look spread across my face. So, did I hear right? Had he just confessed how he didn't want to be in love with me? Never would I have guessed my life would play out like a Jane Austin's novel, well a sick twisted version of it at least.

"I want us to be together" He says without a second thought and a conviction I hadn't heard from him in what seemed lifetimes ago.

"We can't and you know that."

"Why? Because of Mac and Sandy? You don't love him and even if you try you can't force yourself to love him Ruthie. That's not how love works. I should know." He let out a sign, rubbing the back of his neck tiredly as he continued "Look at the mess I did of my life and those around me. I always end up hurting Sandy and I can't seem to make her happy. She deserved better than me. I just thought that maybe if I did this, put my feelings aside and give her the family she wanted for Aaron, well maybe it would make up for what I did to her before the baby was born. Now, because of me she's miserable and so am I."

"Those are the choices you made, but it's different with me because I love Mac" I say as a matter of fact.

"What did I tell you of lying to yourself like this? You'll only end up ruining your life and Mac's. I know you don't want to hurt him, but if you stay with him you will. Don't you think he deserves better than this?"

"You know I'm right"

I let out a harsh laugh as I hear him. "So what if you are right? What do you want me to do? You were the one to put me in this situation in the first place, and now your mad because I chose to move on" For the first time I finally admitted the truth to myself. It has been so long that perhaps he had been right. I was starting to believe my own lies. Mac had been so kind to me. He'd loved me without question, and offered me security that I never thought was possible. Damn it! I wanted to love him and I wanted to hate Martin, but it was never going to happen. Deep down I knew he was right. I had to let Mac go.

"I can only apologize so many times for what I did, but I don't want you to be like me…and no… I don't deserve your forgiveness. I don't deserve you at all" he said as he lowered his gaze to the ground and whispered the last part.

"It's not about you deserving me or not, but you're right about Mac. I can't do this to him. I care too much for him to see him hurt and I don't want to do that to him. If I stay with him that would be selfish because I can't love him the way he deserves, though I wish I did because he's been nothing but good to me for the past two years."

Martin just nodded.

"It's almost noon." he looked at his watch.

"The phone's dead. So I guess I better go inside and call Mac and tell him we need to talk" my voice breaking as the realization downed on me. The morning was almost over and the happy ending I longed would never come, maybe there was no happy ending. Maybe I had made it all up in my head.

I took on last deep breath before making my pace back into the house, but within seconds Martin stood in front of me, his body towering mine as he held out his arms and pulls me into the securely of them. "It's all going to be okay. I won't leave this time" he whispered into my hair.

And I allow to myself completely fall into them not caring anymore. I couldn't hate him anymore. I didn't know how to, and even if did I wouldn't want to. "It's always been you" I try to hold back the unshed tears threatening to come out. "The one I've loved. It's always been you"

"Same here. I'll tell her today" He pulled away slightly as he tries to get me too look up at him. "We'll make this work." and somehow I knew we would. At that moment I knew everything would have to be okay because we felt right.

"I better go inside and make that phone call" I said not wanting to let go his warm embrace, but I knew I had to. So I reluctantly let go of him as I started to make my way toward the back porch door.

"Hey!" I heard him yell and I spin around to meet his gaze. "I love you" he yelled out even though I was not far from him. A smile from ear to ear spread across his face, and I couldn't help but grin at this because for the first time in a long time I saw him smile a genuine Martin Brewer smile. A smile I helped put on his face.

"Me too" were the last words I said before making my way to the back door.

------

"Sandy" I greet as I see her sitting in the kitchen table. I carefully close the door making sure not one heard it from the living room. When I see her sitting there, I feel myself becoming consumed with guilt, trapped with in the confines of the kitchen with none other than Sandy. The wife of the man I loved.

"Hey Ruthie. Come sit" She said as she gave a small wave addressing me as a sad smile played on her lips.

"Hey Sandy" I stumble with the words as I slowly walk to the kitchen table, trying to keep my voice leveled as I take a seat next to her.

She looked away, hesitating over what to say but after a moment she finally spoke. "Did Martin say something…about us I mean. Did he talk about us while you two were outside" She asked softly, unable to hide the eagerness in her voice as she waited for a reply.

"No." I respond awkwardly . She seemed disappointed by my answer, but quickly recovering with another smile.

"Oh. Well I just thought. Never mind"

"I'm sorry" I found myself saying, my words just coming out below a whisper. My gaze remained focused on my hands resting on my lap. All I wanted to do was flee into the comfort of my room. Not wanting to face the women that even till now I called my friend.

"No. No its okay" she let out a small laugh. We stayed sitting there for what seemed like an eternity. Sandy let out a sign as she began to draw imaginary patterns with her fingertips on the kitchen table. "We've been having some problems for the past three months. I don't know what's wrong. He just won't talk to me…about anything. I just thought it was this phase he was going through you know. I'm sorry I shouldn't be telling you this, especially today." Sandy said, biting her bottom lip as her she tried to keep her now visible tears from escaping her eyes.

"It's okay." I said as I try to find my voice, the lump growing inside my throat not helping it. She looked so sad and I couldn't help feel that it was my fault. Her being so nice wasn't helping either. I wanted to hate her, but the pain so visible in her eyes actually made me want to comfort her and help her solve the problem which was ruining her life, and then I remembered the problem was me.

"It's just I love him, and it hurts that he can't open up to me. I feel like his drifting away and I don't know what to do. Or do you think it's all in my head? He does have a lot of pressure coming in from school and baseball. On top of that he has to work …its silly I now." She smiled, feeling silly at her thoughts "I guess these are not the kind of stories I shouldn't be telling you before your wedding, but remember just as there are bad times there are good times as well."

The pressure in my chest began to tighten as I felt my heart drop even more.

"Maybe that's it." I found myself saying, "Maybe it is a phase you know how Martin is. He sometimes is all over the place, and gets flustered easily. Once he gets whatever it is out of is system, he'll go back to normal. I would worry too much." I reassure as I allowed my face to soften from the obvious frown playing in my features.

She seemed content with my answer as the corners of her mouth curled up into a smile. "Your Right…Yes I just have to give him time and space. He'll come around." She seemed to cheer up. "Thanks so much Ruthie. You're a good friend, you know that?"

"You really love him don't you" The words came out so fast I hadn't realized I had said them out loud, but before I knew it Sandy was looking at me a little puzzled as a laugh escaped her. "Yes" she answered breathlessly. I could help but feel my stomach turn.

Just then I heard the door connecting the kitchen and living room open. It was Lucy holding the dress bag over her shoulder. She waltzed in with a look of irritation in her face. "We're late. Come on!" she ordered. "Well are you coming or not?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

There is no POV of Ruthie's in this one.

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With the last of the sunlight disappearing over the horizon, Martin remained sitting outside the Camden doorsteps. He can't move because, he thinks, maybe it's all just a nightmare. Maybe it's not too late.

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He remembers Lucy coming outside and asking him if he had seen Ruthie. "She's inside" he'd told her, Lucy smiled at him before disappearing back inside. For a second he could've sworn he saw panic in her eyes, or maybe he was just paranoid with all the things going on.

Fifteen minutes had passed; this time Sandy was the one to come outside. "Martin she's gone."

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He remembers asking, "Who?" What a stupid question, he thinks now.

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Sandy hesitates, "Ruthie."

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Every time he remembers, he still feels a chill creep all over his body and an overwhelming ache begins to form in his chest.

---

"What?" Within seconds he's in front of her grabbing her by the shoulders. "Where is she!" he demands to know. Sandy looks at him with tear filled her eyes, looking down to hide her pain. Releasing what he's doing, Martin lets her go.

"I'm sorry" He apologizes before turning his back on her, clenching his fists and jaw, trying to steady his breathing.

Sandy hugs herself for comfort as she tries to fight the tears from coming out, "Its never going to change is it?" she asks after a while.

He turns around to face her, and at the sight of her agony, he feels guilty.

"You can't let her go. After all these years, you still can't let her go" She said frustrated.

Martin is speechless and a little taken aback. He's sure Sandy sees it.

"You thought I didn't know" She lets out a small bitter laugh. "Well let me tell you that you're not as good at hiding things as you thought you were" Her eyes seem sad, and after not hearing a response from Martin, she unwraps her arms from herself and covers her face with both hands so he wont see her cry.

He reaches out wanting to comfort her, after all this is his fault. "I'm sorry" is the only thing he can bring himself to say, as he pulls back unable to bring himself to comfort her.

Martin knows that he will never be able to take all the pain he has caused her. He would have given anything that was in his power to see a genuine smile play across her lips, and to take away the sadness her eyes seemed to now carry all the time. He knew that the one thing Sandy wanted, love, was the one thing he could never truly give her. Not one hundred percent at least. This didn't mean he didn't care for her, he did.

Letting the instincts to protect her kick in, he gently took her small hands away from her face and brushed the stray tear away form her cheeks. Her eyes locked with his as she took a hold of his hands.

"Don't worry, it's all over." She answered in low voice. "She's not coming back"

He looked at confused, watching as Sandy's emotion changed from sadness to something unrecognizable, something… dark.

"What did you do Sandy?" Martin's pulled his hand's back.

"What did I do?" Sandy asks incredulous, and seems to reflect on it as she gazes up the night sky. " If you want to blame someone look a little closer. I didn't do anything" She answers darkly.

"Tell me what you did" He pressed, all composure gone.

"If you don't tell me…". He threatened.

"What?" She challenged. "You'll hurt me? I think you've done a fine job of that already, don't you think?"

"Tell me what you told her?" Martin asked calmly this time, trying to keep his voice leveled.

Sandy's resentment grew bigger at the sign of his concern for Ruthie. Martin would never love her like that.

"I told her that I loved you and I wanted to fix the problem that is keeping us apart. Was that so wrong? Actually, she told me to just hold on, that you would eventually come around. And I knew then, she would never do it. Never betray me like I'm sure you wanted too."

He knew that as much as Sandy wanted to hide her pain, it was hurting her as much as it was him. "Sandy it's been over between us for a long time."

Just then the front door of the house opened and out came Kevin, with an apologetic smile, he walked toward them. "I'm sorry to interrupt you guys, but I just came to tell you that it looks like there wont be a wedding today, well not in Glenoak at least"

"Do you know where Ruthie is Kevin?" Martin asked anxiously.

Kevin looked at both Sandy and Martin before answering, "She just called. It seems her and Mac decided to elope instead of getting married through the church. Which, if you think about it, its odd"

"Where!" he yelled, shoulders tensing.

"I…I" Kevin sundered a bit surprised at the force of Martin's voice. "I don't know"

Sandy walked pass the two men and paused at the doorway, before going in she took on last look at Martin, "It hurts doesn't it." Were the last words she said.

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The last thing Martin remembers hearing was Kevin asking him if he was okay. He wasn't. He'd been sitting here all afternoon. Ruthie hadn't come back.

It was eleven o'clock at night when he finally realized that she was not coming back. So, he slowly got up from where he'd been sitting at afternoon, and reluctantly made his way across the street, as he heard the engine of a car coming close. He looked to see what direction the sound was coming from, but didn't have to wait long to see a car coming from the corner. As it approached, it began to look familiar.

Oh yes, the oh too familiar car, the one he'd ridden many times before with his former friend. It was Mac's car.

Martin stood along the sidewalk when the black car finally pulled over in front of the Camden driveway, and heard the engine die down. It was only seconds after that that Ruthie and Mac stepped out of the car.

"Hey Martin" Mac said as he saw Martin walking fast toward them from across the street. He was greeted by Martin's swinging fist and a punch in the face.


End file.
